I'm not sure when the concept of shaving my legs first entered my mind, but I can recall being absolutely obsessed with the idea once it did. It had to have been around the time I tried out for 6th grade cheer. I can distinctly remember us stretching on the mat in our double rolled soffe shorts, and realizing with a mix of horror and embarrassment that I was one of maybe only three other girls who did not have silky, smooth, hair free legs. I came home, in a dramatic fashion that 11-13 year old girls are inherently gifted/cursed with, and did my best to plead my socially crippling dilemma to my mother. She listened graciously, made remarks about the parenting choices (or lackthereof) of my hair-free and care-free cohorts, and then she gave me her verdict:
Ok, not exactly. But the build up and anticipation coupled with the subsequent defeat of a crippling and resounding "NO" made me instant kindred spirits with Ralphie. Although my mom didn't jump straight to permanent disfigurement, she certainly did her best to make shaving sound absolutely terrible.
"You WILL cut yourself many times in the beginning. I have taken whole slices of skin of my heels and knees before...everybody does when they first start shaving."
"Once you start shaving, your hair will grow back darker and thicker each time. It's a never ending cycle of oppression."
"It's expensive and time-consuming."
AND the million dollar question she posed me: "Who are you doing this for and why?"
At the time, it seemed so obvious I couldn't believe she had even asked.
"I want to fit in, I don't want to be left out or made fun of..."
BOOM- a destructive and recurring core concept was born:
"If I don't follow the crowd, I will be ridiculed and outcasted."
This belief would later fuel destructive behaviors like underaged partying, sneaking out, lying and manipulating, and at the tender age of 11, had already begun fanning the flames of disordered eating.
SO, flashback to NYE 2019. My friend Amber was having a roaring 20's party, I am 5 months into post treatment recovery from Anorexia, and I had a moment of clarity when shaving my legs. The question my mom posed to me when I was 11 flashed across my mind:
"Who are you doing this for and why?"
And it struck me. Just like I had been learning in treatment and repeating to myself in mantras and affirmations in front of the mirror:
"I am not my body. My worth is not determined by the way that I look."
The truth is, we live in a patriarchal society fueled by diet culture and propagated by social media. As women, we learn at a very young age that we do not have autonomy over our bodies. If an uncle wants a kiss, we give him one without question. When strangers tell us to smile, we do so instinctively, and when society tells us that our bodies need to look a certain way so that we may be viewed as desirable, we shave, wax, pluck, straighten, tan, color, pierce, STARVE and deny ourselves...and the million dollar questions ladies is:
WHY and for WHO?
So that was that. I decided to stop shaving my legs. At first, I didn't even think much of it. I was wintering in NH and was frankly appreciative for any extra insulation. Now that it is summertime and I am in Oklahoma, I'm much more aware of my leg hair. As freeing as I'd like to think it is, I have recently found myself bringing it up in social settings (such as a recent pool party) as a way to acknowledge that:
"Yes, I realize my legs are hairy and I am going to bring it up first so that I feel like I have control over any judgements you may have."
Not exactly the totally carefree, f*** the patriarchy, in your face feminist experience that I may have initially hoped for and/or anticipated. But more often than not, I can sincerely say that I forget they are hairy. Until the wind blows, or I put on lotion, or I catch a sideways glance from a stranger. But even then, I don't feel judgement. I just acknowledge it for what it is:
"My hairy legs are just another neutral part of my body, neither inherently good nor bad."
For you inquiring minds, no. I couldn't bring myself to go au natural under my arms. Not that I am passing judgment on you beautiful natural goddesses, in fact I admire you. This gal just sweats entirely too much too consider adding a tangle of hair to the mix...
I might continue the trend and never shave again, or I may decide to shave tomorrow. But for now, it feels pretty dang good to just LET IT GROW!
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